http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050929/COL05/509290301/1009/col05
There must be eleventy-thousand meaningless media awards for "Best Helmet Hair on a TV Weatherman" and "Most Hackneyed Use of Stale Movie Clichés in Headlines." But last time I checked, there was no award for "Dramatic Shots of TV Reporters Clinging to Light Poles in Hurricanes."
Too bad. There are plenty of nominees for the Katrina-Rita Panic Pulitzers. Such as:
Best quote: "Don't get stuck on stupid, reporters." The winner is Lt. Gen. Russel Honore, being pestered by reporters who wanted him to compare Rita to Katrina.
"Let's not get stuck on the last storm," he said. "You're asking last-storm questions for people who are concerned about the future storm. Don't get stuck on stupid, reporters. We are moving forward. And don't confuse people. Please."
Honore drilled a national nerve when he told the press: "Let's get a little trust here, because you're starting to act like this is your problem. You are carrying the message, OK?" Bingo. Too many reporters think it's their job to give us the answers before they ask any questions.
Best impression of a field sobriety test: Fox News anchorman Shepard Smith was blown around like a tumbleweed in a tornado, proving that "anchorman" is only a figurative title.
Most annoying updates: Greta Van Susteren kept interrupting live shots of Shepard hanging from a signpost like a windsock to announce: Nothing happening here in Houston.
Best Chicken Little report: Geraldo Rivera said Rita would hit "the heart and soul of the American refining industry" even more often than Greta said, "Still nothing happening here."
Honorable mention: The rest of the media for running the same picture of the same gas station in Atlanta selling Super-Duper Premium Platinum Unleaded for $6 per gallon. "Get a home-equity loan to fill up your car," the media warned - as gas prices receded back to $2.60.
Night of the Living Dead Wrong Award: New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin's report of rapes, murders and 10,000 dead bodies. Oops, never mind.
The Emperor is Naked Award: Former FEMA director Mike Brown, who let the air out of the media mythology by pointing out that evacuation is not his job, and "Louisiana was dysfunctional."
Public Service Award for Looters: The network reporter who let a Rita survivor tell everyone several times, "The businesses are all just wide open."
Best Science Fiction Fantasy: ABC, for its Hurricane Rita special report showing an ayatollah, a rabbi and a TV preacher blaming hurricanes on American decadence, Israel and strip clubs. A scientist who pointed out that hurricanes come in cycles was lumped with the nutbags. But, the reporter lectured, there is a new and fabulously important theory endorsed by several real scientists including Professor Barbra Striesand: global warming! As usual, none of the reputable scientists who think global warming is the Jane Fonda of weather forecasting were mentioned.
The All About Me Award: Anderson Cooper of CNN. His "beat poetry" included: "You shoot and you edit. You do live shots and shows. You're always in motion, slamming sodas and candy. ... we were living in trailers packed tight, poorly stocked. ... The phones didn't work. We still clinged to our BlackBerries ... Now we've got an office set up with food and supplies, at night a hotel where we disinfect our feet."
As the general said, "You are stuck on stupid."